I've adapted some traditional (and recent) Christmas songs over the years, to fit them in with my body of work. Here are a few that you might like to sing this yuletide... even if only to yourself!


Zombie Baby (to the tune of Santa Baby)

Zombie baby, slip some brains under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Zombie baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Zombie baby, a glass of blood please for the undead, light red
We'll drink a toast to those we've eaten
Zombie baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Zombie cutie, I really like the brains of those who bleed, indeed
Make them fresh and extra tasty
Zombie cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Zombie baby, the only things I fear in life are dreams, and screams
When you attack me on an airplane
Zombie baby, come hurry down the chimney tonight

Zombie baby, don't you think I'd make a yummy, mummy
Together we could be so happy
So zombie baby, hurry down the chimney tonight



Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells, Murlough smells, Evra can lick his nose,

Vancha March spits a lot, and Evanna wears ropes as clothes.

Jingle bells, in vampire hell, every demon carries a stake,

(They don't know that bad souls in fact go to a dark lake.)

Dashing through the fields, on a wild vampaneze hunt,

Darren at the rear, Mr Crepsley at the front,

Lots of twists and turns, who to fear and trust?

Only one thing is for sure -- It's kill the Lord or bust!

Oh, Jingle bells, all will be well, if they kill the Lord,

But if they lose, two will die, and the vampire clan will fall.

Oh, jingle bells, who can tell what fearsome depths they'll delve?

The only way you can find out is to buy and read book twelve!



Up a chimney

When Murlough got stuck up a chimney, he began to shout,

"You girls and boys will make lots of noise once I wriggle out!

I'll rip off your skin, smear you with jam, I'll gobble your insides down too!"

When Murlough got out of the chimney, boo-hoo! Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!



You better be Good

You better watch out, you better be sly,

You better be brave, I'm telling you why,

The vampaneze are coming to town.

They feed when you are sleeping, they drain your body dry,

They suck all your blood from your veins

And it won't help if you cry.

Oh, You better watch out, you better be sly,

You better be brave, I'm telling you why,

The vampaneze are coming to town.

They'll stick a big straw in you, and slurp your red blood down,

So if you don't want to wind up a corpse

You'd best get out right now!

Oh, You better watch out, you better be sly,

You better be brave, I'm telling you why,

The vampaneze are coming to town.



Must be Murlough

Who likes to dress in a nice white suit?

Murlough likes to dress in a nice white suit.

Who's got long nails and teeth to boot?

Murlough's got long nails and teeth to boot.

Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who's got nasty purple skin?

Mulough's got nasty purple skin.

Who's got a soul the colour of sin?

Murlough's got a soul the colour of sin.

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who only comes out at night?

Murlough only comes out at night.

Who like to give humans a fright?

Murlough likes to give humans a fright.

Gives humans a fright, only comes out at night,

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who likes to play around with bones?

Murlough likes to play around with bones.

Who sits on a blood-drenched throne?

Murlough sits on a blood-drenched throne.

Plays with bones, blood-drenched throne,

Gives humans a fright, only comes out at night,

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who's got a taste for boys and girls?

Murlough's got a taste for boys and girls.

Who's the biggest monster in all the world?

Murlough's the biggest monster in all the world.

Boys and girls, all the world,

Plays with bones, blood-drenched throne,

Gives humans a fright, only comes out at night,

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who's as mad as a march hare?

Murlough's as mad as a march hare.

Who slaughters all in sight and doesn't care?

Murlough slaughters all in sight and doesn't care.

Mad march hare, doesn't care,

Boys and girls, all the world,

Plays with bones, blood-drenched throne,

Gives humans a fright, only comes out at night,

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Who's the man who likes to go hmmm?

Murlough's the man who likes to go hmmm?

Who's going to dance on your tomb?

Murlough's going to dance on your tomb.

Likes to go hmmm, dance on your tomb,

Mad march hare, doesn't care,

Boys and girls, all the world,

Plays with bones, blood-drenched throne,

Gives humans a fright, only comes out at night,

Purple skin, colour of sin, Nice white suit, long teeth to boot,

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

All together:

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

Once again, and louder this time:

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.

And the final time, give it all you've got!

Must be Murlough! Must be Murlough!

Must be Murlough with the fearsome jaws.




Christmas Time

Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, Lord Loss is coming to YOUR house to dine,

With limbs on the fire, and blood boiled for tea, this Christmas is one of sheer misery!

A time for chopping, a time for dicing, a time for guts -- always enticing,

Cruelty and slaughter for time ever after, He's coming for YOU so beware of the Master!

Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, Lord Loss won't pay any heed to your whines,

He'll douse you with gravy, and smear you with spit, this Christmas is sure to be totally... very, very glum indeed!!!


:-)


DARREN HAS LEFT THE BUILDING ...