A budding writer called BEX emailed me today, having been hurt by a review of her work in progress:

"I hope this is OK to send but I would like to pick your brains about something. Next year, I’ll be self-publishing my debut novel. I’ve chucked the plot about in a private author group only for it to get torn to shreds and it triggered something inside me, spiralling me down a stressful pit of despair and asked myself ‘am I good enough?’

"It then brought on the concern of how do I take criticism? If all it takes is one person (who called my writing poor judging by how I used exclamation points in the synopsis!) to set me off, how will I fair when it comes to negative reviews? So, my questions are – how do you do it? Were you just as nervous before your books were published? Should I not waste energy on [the negative reviewer]?"

I felt Bexs pain, and here's what I told her, which I hope might come in useful for other budding writers too:

"You just have to remember the old adage -- opinions are like a**holes... everyone has one!!! :-) :-) :-)

"My advice is to either ignore reviews completely, or else try to take them with a grain of salt when you read them. Positive reviews put a small smile on my face... bad reviews make me scowl slightly... but I try not to pay too much attention to either. Once you publish a work, it's done, and no review can have any real impact on it from that point on. You should be thinking about the next book, not worrying about what people are saying about one that is now in your past.

"Easier said than done, I know, and some reviews DO rankle with me, even after all my years, especially when they're an ill-formed review. But you really are better off not responding to them, or saying anything to the reviewer. When you put a work out there, people are free to say whatever they want about it, and if you argue with them -- however politely you might argue, even if only to correct them on a big mistake on their part -- they won't appreciate it and it probably won't go well for you. Let them say what they like... take it in, mull it over for a few seconds if you wish... then move on."

I then wished Bex good luck, and I wish that to everyone else readig this who is planning to put their work out there, or dreaming of one day doing so. It's a hard world. Reviews CAN be cruel. BUT -- and I should have said this to Bex, but didn't think to add it at the time -- while it's very easy for someone to write a review, it's incredibly difficult, and takes a whole load of courage, to put a story out into the world, knowing it can be torn apart by literary vultures. Anyone who has the guts to publish their work should be proud of that work, and the strength it took to create and put it out there. Even if you ONLY get negative reviews, you should be proud. Because when you publish a story... you're a writer. Doesn't matter if you're a good writer or a bad writer -- that's entirely subjective, and opinions can wax and wane with time. But you've put in the hard creative work, you've summoned up the nerve-shredding publishing verve, and you've joined the pantheon of writers who've bared their souls and put everything on the line, and that's something that can NEVER be taken away from you.